Becoming Jessica Rose.

Jessica: God’s behold (insightful + intuitive).
Rose: The epitome of femininity. Love, beauty, romance.

Matychuk (maiden): Son of Matthew. Matthew means Gift of God.
Burkett (married): Hardy, brave and strong.

Okay, I have not been connected to either last name since my separation. I don’t feel like a Jessica Matychuk anymore, nor do I feel like staying a Jessica Burkett. So who am I in a name? I’m not a “son of Matthew” because that title would insinuate belonging to someone or something. I am too free to be tied to a stake, even if it is a promising one. I feel I no longer need to be hardy, brave and strong. Although I will always carry those traits in me, the new me is now soft, trusting and free. Jessica Burkett needed to be hardy, brave and strong. But Jessica Rose. She is delicate, she flows, she KNOWS and she embodies the wisdom she carries. That is exactly who I am at my core. Jessica Rose.

So why BECOMING Jessica Rose?

Well, because this is the start of me. Not me tied to my married name. Not me tied to my maiden name. Just me. Jessica Rose. This is the me that finally breaks free of codependency, who finally knows her worth, who chooses herself first. I’ve never been her but I am becoming her. And my god, is it a process. All the ego deaths and all the unknowns. UNBECOMING all that I thought I was and all that doesn’t serve who I am in this now moment. It’s unsettling. There isn’t a foundation beneath me. But only because I am building it from scratch, brick by brick. Thought by thought, dream by dream.

See, I have always been driven by love. Ever since I was a kid I can remember wanting to be in love. Unfortunately, when it comes from a place of desperation and insecurity, which it shaped out to be as I aged, it doesn’t end well. Let’s just say, I repeatedly got the frogs. Aka, the wrong men. Aka, heartbreak.

But here I am. For the first time in my life, I am taking steps to become ME. Not a wife, or a partner. I could give two shits about my prince because I finally see that it was never about the prince. Little me didn’t know that. But 36 year old me does.

How do you get the relationship you’ve always wanted and know you are deserving of, if you sacrifice yourself to become the partner? Simply put, you don’t.

You love yourself just as much, if not more, than another.
You listen to your heart, follow those dreams and find a zest for life again.
You stand on your own two feet, stable and secure enough to withstand whatever storms try to shake you down.
You say no, you say bye, you say ME.

Which is why I have repeated the word me so many times throughout this. Because this is about ME. My life, my story, my transformation. I have no doubt that a prince will come, but right now, my life is all for my becoming. I like to call this my Eat, Pray, Love moment. But instead of escaping to Italy, I am forced to stay where I am, broke as a single mom to try to find God in the ruins of my life. This is my reclamation story with no passport, just presence and determination to make more out of my life by the alchemy of my own damn self. Because this is what I have chosen. To become Jessica Rose, before anyone else.